Instead of relishing the night (sleeping, cuddling with my hubby, snuggling with Lucy (my cat), unwinding after a rough day), it is a time of loneliness. I sit and watch Jack and Ella sleeping knowing that in just an hour or so the whole diaper/feeding tango begins again.
I sit on the couch looking out the family room windows across the golf course - mostly in a daze. The sky is dark with only the twinkling of street lights. The house makes weird noises as it settles - noises lost during the hustle of the day. David is off to bed as he has taken all he can. Though I do the majority of the feedings and diaper changes, he makes up for it by doing everything else. I have lost count of the loads of laundry he has done and loads of trash he has taken out. Our refrigerator is so full of David's cooking that it will take a week or so just to find our way to the back.
The clock only reads 11:18pm; it is going to been a long one... I can already feel the heaviness on my eyes and the weakness of my legs. The sad part is that I actually got some good sleep today. Thad and Bobbi stopped by and of course, I took advantage and went to sleep. All in all, I probably got 5 good hours.
This week is looking to be uncomfortably busy which is probably some of the dread I'm feeling tonight. David goes back to work Tuesday. This stinks for both of us! My mom is coming down Monday night for the week, and as much as I appreciate it, it's still not like having David home. Tuesday is our second pediatrician appointment and Wednesday is an Optometrist appointment. Two days of taking Jack and Ella out of their safe cocoon known as home... not to mention the unbelievably difficult task of loading up the two car seats, diaper bag, oxygen tank and monitor, double stroller, and the kitchen sink.
I guess I'll stop rambling and try to get 30 minutes before Jack indubitably tells me that it is time. He has an internal alarm that goes off after 3 hours... no questions asked.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Long Nights
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5 comments:
I fully remember feeling the same way. I promise it gets better. Just when I thought I really wasn't going to be able to handle another sleepless night, they'd sleep more hours than ever before, even if only for a day or two. Enough to keep me going. You DO get used to the "take everything you own with you every time you leave the house" concept. Very soon, it will be second nature and then all of a sudden they start needing less and less with them as they get older and then THAT seems odd! Sounds like you're doing everything you should be - sleeping when you can, accepting help from family and friends, letting non-essential stuff go. Good on you! Hang in there and remember you're pleasantly normal! Let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help you guys out.
I remember after leaving the NICU that I was really lonely - not to mention scared and overwhelmed. You spend so much time there and make so many friends...that is your social life. All of a sudden, you're home in the middle of the night all by yourself. Your normal has now become totally different. And although you wouldn't trade the security of knowing that Jack and Ella are home in their sweet little beds, you miss the people and activites that go along with the NICU...
So don't forget, just because they are home and safe doesn't mean that you're done asking God for favors. He'll get you though this, too. Hedy
Those first weeks and maybe even months are soooooooooo challenging.
I too am a girl that requires 8 hrs. sleep and a nap still! As the weather gets nicer and the babies get stronger you will be able to get them out for a walk and visit with those in the neighborhood. You will be able to have play dates, moms say they are for the kids but they are really for us moms, we need that socialization! I know it was me that really wanted to be home while the kids were infants and toddlers. In spite of being where I wanted to be I was envious that Mark had a job to go to with adults and lunch at a scheduled time. Here I was with crying babies, diapers to change and bottles to make.
They say parenting is one of the hardest jobs and I agree with that but it's also a job most of us wouldn't trade for any other.
Hang in there. Once the sleepless nights end it gets MUCH better...not less busy, but better.
Billie
I read your blog this morning and thought about you all day. It does get better and it is so worth it. Hang in there and enjoy the snuggles while feeding them. That is the one thing I miss most - the way they fit in your arms/lap and are content and fall asleep while eating. The fact that they are so content for that moment (and sometimes it is just a moment). Don't feel guilty about anything you may be feeling - it is all normal. Sleep when you can and don't sweat the small stuff. You guys have come a long way. Enjoy it!
kristy, i love the way you express yourself. you should really write a book. you are saying exactly how i felt with a newborn, but so much better than i could ever dream to say it. i honestly can't imagine two newborns at the same time. you and dave are in my thoughts. i know that right now it seems like it will never end, but they really will start sleeping better. all this time will be a distant memory.
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