Happy Thanksgiving

We hope y'all have a great Thanksgiving. Jack and I have a lot to be thankful for, including:

A conversation:


A distraction for Ella:


A sister to play with (Jackie learned how to climb too):


And a pair that completes us:

Ella learns to climb, part 2

So, our niece was married today (Congrats, Jessica), but I wasn't feeling very well so I stayed home with the kids. Everything was going according to plan until I looked around the edge of the couch and saw that Ella has decided that standing up against the gate isn't good enough (and yes, she did get up there by herself). Not our best quality picture, but I was a bit worried...


Oh, and Jack does enjoy carrying around books and banging them against pretty much anything.

Ella learns to climb

In the last month, the Kokoska house has changed dramatically. No longer can we just sit and watch as the kids play/roll around harmlessly. Ella is incessantly wanting to crawl over/around and up objects. So... Kristy and I put up some gates in the family room to wall off anything that might hurt them. Of course, that provides a nice mechanism for Ella to pull herself up. Unfortunately, she hasn't learned how to get down, so after a few minutes (or seconds) she wants us to come rescue her.




And people always told us this gets easier...

Prayers Please

In a matter of a week, I know of 3 families that have lost their babies. To Trea, Tiffany and Robin (and their families)...

I know exactly how you are feeling, yet I don't know what to say... Really words are not enough when you've lost part of your life. I remember seeing my belly still so full, but knowing that Claire and Gracie were no longer there. And somehow, as a mom, I was the one that was supposed to keep them safe and didn't. It was like my body was reminding me of it everyday. All the kind words were nice, but didn't fill the emptiness of my womb.

I still miss my girls everyday... sometimes it brings me to sobbing tears, but sometimes it makes me smile too because of the lessons that they have taught me.

I really think David said it best in a note he sent to someone (we love):

This Christmas we are again left with an empty void in our lives as our children are no longer with us. While we understand that there are those less fortunate than us in the world, it's hard to imagine a pain greater than having our children die. What unnaturatility is it that a father outlives his children? What cruel and punishing world would allow an unwanting person to be with child while mine dies? Why should I continue to care?

My first desire is to strike out at those around me. To tell everyone to go to hell, besides, what the hell do they know? This pain is beyond what a normal person should have to endure.

At this point, what options do I have? I can choose to despise the world I live in, loath those beside me who have 'easily' had their children, and hate the stupid people around me who have no idea what it's like to lose their child. 'I understand' is such a simplistic and meaningless phrase that only an idiot should be allowed to say it.

On the other hand, I can choose to love those around me. While the pain burns inside me, I can use that pain to understand the strife that others go through. This brings an empathy that allows me to see the anguish that the poor or the malnourished go through on a daily basis. This empathy can only be seen by those who have suffered and allows us to see those 'others' in a new light and be understanding of their plight.

Don't get me wrong, this pain doesn't go away. In fact, it only burns deeper at times. My children are now 2 years old, but in the eyes of man are now buried.


I don't know the answers for the families that have lost... I can't offer them a rosy world that will somehow spring to life in the next month, years. I can offer them an ear, a shoulder to lean on, a heart that knows the pain they're feeling. It may not be much, but it's what I have.

Superbabies

I can't help but brag about my awesome babies...

Ella is speed crawling and can make it from one corner of the family room to the other in seconds. She is also sitting straight-up and loving every minute of it. Her newest trick is pulling herself up to a standing position. She started by climbing up David and progressed to climbing up furniture and the gate between the family room and the kitchen.

Jack has mastered the crawl as well, though he is a bit more thoughtful as to where he is going (Ella goes over whatever is in her way). Jack is doing the "lean" on his arm but isn't quite sitting up.

We had a pediatrician appointment Tuesday this week, and he was thrilled with their progress. Many things they are doing are age appropriate for their birth age. Our hopes before were that they would be hitting developmental goals for their adjusted age.

At the doctor's appointment we also got their newest measurements. Jack is now 15.2lbs and is at the 50th percentile in both his length and weight (adjusted) and at the 90th percentile for his head size. Poor baby... such a big head for a little boy.

Ella is now 14.8lbs and is at the 25th percentile in both length and weight (adjusted). Her head is in the 50th percentile.

David and I are so amazed everyday at Jack and Ella's progress. Once again... their soooo awesome!!

1, 2, 3 Kokoskas

I'll let Kristy fill in some detail in a later post, but here are some pics from the last couple weeks.





The Costanza Pose


Ella learned how to sit up while I was in Boston