Tuesday - August 22

Today, Kristy and I made another trip up to visit the girls, and I think the reality of the situation has finally started to hit us. Kristy's body has returned to normal and her old clothes are starting to fit. This makes things seem normal even though it's still hard to imagine any kind of normal ever really returning...

We've spent quite a bit of time with our families over the past couple weeks and are appreciative that our co-workers have given us this time. Regarding that, I will be returning to work this Thursday and Kristy on the following Monday.

Below is a picture from today's visit. Kristy's father, Tom, insisted on having pinwheels, and Kristy's family stops by often to keep the flowers fresh. We haven't decided on a stone yet as we're not sure whether to get one just for them or one for the whole family.

Another Week...

Fortunately, the rest of the weekend was uneventful as both my brothers and everyone else made it home safely. Kristy has started (and now) nearly finished a scrapbook for the girls. During their births, she didn't understand why someone was taking pictures, but now she is very glad that they exist. The mementos that Debbie and the nurse staff at Clarian kept were amazing and we will be forever indebted to them.

On Saturday, Thad, Bobbi, Brandon and Crystal stopped by for a bit and dropped off a huge 8 lb ham with some sides. Thank you. Since Kristy and I couldn't get through it ourselves, we decided to make a trip back up to Markle since Sunday was our 12th anniversary and also our nephew Zach's 18th birthday. Unfortunately, we forgot our camera, but the girls' had had multiple visits and flowers from Kristy's family.

Below is a picture of us during the ceremony on Thursday. Kristy's father, Tom, is the man in the white shirt.

Thanks for your support

Once again, Kristy and I would like to thank you for helping us with the grieving process. Every card, letter, flower and thought are appreciated.

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind. Yesterday, Kristy and I went through a lot of suggestions for scripture and decided upon the following to be read at the ceremony:

Psalms 139:13-18
Ephesians 1:4-11
1 Corinthians 15:35-55 (Parts)

The ceremony worked out beautifully for the girls, with my father, Kristy's father and my little brother performing the entire service. Fortunately, the service was at 10:00AM, so we avoided the rain. All the relatives showed up safely and on time and we returned afterwards to Kristy's parents for some sustenance and support.

Following today's events in the world, we will be praying for my brothers' flights so that they may return home safely. Evan will be returning to Little Rock today and Scott is leaving for Manila on Saturday.

In addition to the poem posted yesterday, the below poem was also read at today's ceremony. Scott's wife, Carrie, wrote and sent it to us the other day and we immediately loved it.

Two drops of silvery dew,
pure and tranquil,
trickle slowly down
the meandering green veins.
The perfect droplets
grow every second
until we can see our own reflections.
One by one they drip
from edge of the leaf
into the quiet sea.
Soft rings of ripples
echo with their memory
evidence that the drops were here.
And though it was not long
their journey was one
of undeniable beauty.

Tuesday

Kristy and I received your cards, flowers, emails.... They are much appreciated. Thanks for your concern.

Today we got and made several items for the girls. We purchased a set of lockets and a cross in which to place them. We also went through loads of pictures and created a picture book for the girls so that they might know their family. It was a time of much crying and remembering for us. As the girls were once known as Buzz and Woody, Kristy decided to give them a couple of her Christmas ornaments as well.

Tomorrow, we'll be going through some scripture verses and prayers for the ceremony. If you have some, we would welcome suggestions. A poem that has always moved me and is especially memorable now is below. It is the 2nd sonnet from Edna St. Vincent Millay.

TIME does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss them in the weeping of the rain;
I want them at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!

There are a hundred places where I fear
To go,—so with their memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell their feet or shone their faces
I say, “There is no memory of them here!”
And so stand stricken, so remembering them!

A Rough Week

Kristy and I appreciate all your support and prayers. We couldn't make it without everyone's understanding, love and help.

Today, my mother and father drove us to Huntington and along with Kristy's parents went to the funeral home and then the cemetary where the girls will be. Kristy's father takes care of the cemetary, so we know they'll be in good hands. Kristy and I also will have a plot there.

We decided to have a small ceremony with just immediate family, which will occur on Thursday morning. Fortunately, both of our parents and all of our siblings will be able to attend. Our fathers will be reading the scriptures and saying a prayer. Kristy and I will also have a pair of balloons to let go as we know that they are now in Heaven with other loved ones.

The funeral home is the Myers Funeral Home in Huntington, IN and the girls will have an obituary in Tuesday's paper.

As the days go by, we will be posting the events and more pictures of the previous week...

If you would like to contact us, please use the dkokoska@yahoo.com account as my cell phone is dead and I left the charger in NH...

Early Birth Day

Our little girls Claire and Gracie entered the world a bit too early yesterday at 20 weeks and 1 day. Claire Faith entered the world at about 11:30AM and her little sister Lora Grace came a couple hours later. Both measured 9 inches and Claire outweighed her sister 9 ounces to 8. We spent many hours enjoying and touching their beautiful little faces, but unfortunately, neither survived the day.

Scary Week 19

Well, week 19 has come and gone with quite a bang...

On Monday we had our biweekly ultrasound/doctor's appointment, but unfortunately, it didn't go like we had hoped.

During the ultrasound, the nurse was concerned with the length of my cervix. I had surgery several years ago that makes me at risk for an incompetent cervix (late term miscarriage). I didn't think much of it because sometimes it measures shorter depending on the "shot" the ultrasound takes. After the ultrasound was completed, I sent David home because the doctor's visit is usually just a measurement of my belly, blood pressure, and chit-chat.

Well, this time the doctor's appointment was much different. My doctor was on vacation, so I saw the nurse practitioner. She was very concerned with my cervix because I guess during the ultrasound, I was having a contraction. She hooked me up to a fetal monitor for 20 minutes to see what was going on.

After 20 minutes she came back, took my read-out and disappeared for about 10 more minutes. When she got back, she said she had consulted with the doctor filling in for mine, and they decided that I need to be admitted to the hospital. I guess I had three contractions during the 20 minutes on the fetal monitor.

Of course at this time, I was somewhat blubbery and called David. Poor David had just gotten home and had to turn around and come back. I checked into the hospital around 3:30pm. They hooked-up an IV drip, took blood, and re-thought the fetal monitor. I continued having contractions, so they gave me a shot of something (I forget what it was). Finally, the contractions stopped, but we got another "shock." They decided that I needed to stay in the hospital Monday night for observation.

David had a business retreat scheduled for Tuesday through Friday in New Hampshire, so we were unsure what to do. He ran home and packed, got me some things, and brought us some food. We spent an interesting evening in the hospital... David scrunched on a fold out chair, and I with IV in the arm. Every two hours they would come in and check my vitals, so it a good night's sleep was out of the question for both of us.

Tuesday morning, David called and got his flight pushed back until later in the afternoon, and we waited. The doctor came in around 8:30am and told us that I had some contractions during the night, but nothing consistent. She released me from the hospital, but put me on bed rest.

I don't feel any differently then I did before, but I'm a little worried about the turn of events. I forced David to go ahead and go on his trip, and my mom is here to "babysit" me. I think David has already called 10 times to check on me... It's sweet!

I go back to the doctor on Monday for another measurement of the cervix and reading on the fetal monitor. If all looks ok then I'm off of bed rest, but just have to take it easy. If there is any other issues, it could be anything from daily shots, to bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. Yuck!!! Regardless, I now have doctor's appointments every week.

The good thing through all of this is that the girls looked great! All pieces and parts were accounted for, and they are growing just like they should.