Flowers for our flowers...

David and I try to come up with different ways to memorialize the girls. Recently we planted a little flower garden beside the house in their honor. Over the years we'll add different things to it, but this is it for now:

In the hospital, Claire had a little purple bracelet, and Gracie had a little pink bracelet. We planted pink and purple pansies to represent this. The stepping stones by the bird bath are that of a butterfly and a dragonfly. We like to think that Claire was our delicate fluttering butterfly, and Gracie was our energetic impulsive dragonfly. I think David is the proudest of the rock wall. After much trial and error, we finally got it both level and sturdy.

Anyway, I hope they like it.

Bittersweet

David and I got the results back from our blood tests... we are positive for the antibodies that cause disruptions to the blood flow to the embryos. Women with high levels of this certain antibody often have clotting problems in their placentas. This can put a baby at risk, because blood clots can block the passage of oxygen and nutrients to the fetus. It also disrupts the makeup of the placenta, making it difficult for an egg to implant. Heparin helps prevent these clots from forming.

Though knowing all this will help with the future, it is like a shot through the heart.

Mother's Day

Well, I knew Mother's Day was going to be awful, but...

David's grandma passed away in her sleep on Wednesday night (May 9). She was 100 years old and had great life, so being "sad" didn't seem appropriate. Yes, we'll miss her dearly, but if there is a way to go, I'm sure many of us would choose this path.

Our flight from Indy to Detroit was delayed two hours, so we missed our connecting flight to Baltimore. Our rescheduled flight got us to Baltimore 3 hours later than expected, so we only got to attend the viewing from 8-9pm.

The funeral on Saturday was very hard for me. I couldn't help but think of the girls, so I was very thankful David was there to hold me up. Every time I thought I was going to lose it completely I would try to think of abstract things (baseball, a fly on the wall, the organist's expressions when she played, etc.). Unfortunately, my mind kept coming back to the thought of Grandma Hainley's tears when she heard of Claire and Gracie. The staff at the nursing home was mad at David's uncle for telling her the news. She cried for weeks... the staff was worried about her health. I hated to hear that she experienced so much sorrow, but it felt good to know that she cared so much for the girls without ever knowing them. During the funeral I couldn't help but ask her to take care of them for me.

Seeing the family again was very nice. However, it was a little awkward. Everyone meant well, but they didn't know what to say to us, so many didn't say anything.

We left Baltimore on a 6am flight Sunday (the wake-up call at 3:30am was brutal). We arrived back home around noon. David and I were extremely tired... I took a nap and when I awoke, I found flowers and a card on the table. The card was from David and the girls.... my first Mother's Day card. I miss them...