I've had somewhat of a rough week... I had a student tell me that I should be a mom someday and asked me why I wasn't already. I almost lost it, but somehow, I was able to look at him and smile.
Today at lunch, one of the subs asked me if I had children. I didn't know what to say, so to avoid an explanation, I said no. She looked puzzled, and said she must have been thinking of someone else because she remembered talking with someone last year who was about to become a mother. I couldn't take it. I excused myself claiming I had to go back to my room.
How should I have answered such heartbreaking questions? They could never understand my feelings for my little girls. You see, I'll never hold them again; I’ll never hear them call me mommy. In the eyes of most people, I'm childless. However, in my eyes, Claire and Gracie are a part of me.
I'm just not the same as before I had them. I love them and think of them everyday, just as any mother would. Sometimes it becomes all too consuming, and I fall apart yet again.
What I do know is this; if anyone could see into my heart, they would know Claire and Gracie are always with me, always a part of me. So yes, I do have children . . .
Friday, September 15, 2006
Another day...
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3 comments:
My heart still breaks for you every day. You are in our thoughts and prayers constantly. I can't say I know what you are going through, but I'm sorry you are going through it. As always, let us know if you need anything.
kristy, once you become a mommy, you are forever a mommy. i'm sorry you have to deal with people asking questions like this.
Crystal was right on the money. You are a mommy. Just let people know you are the proud parent of two little girls. If they ask more questions, be honest. Be proud of the time you were able to share, and share that with others. Let the girls continue to touch lives and bring smiles.
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